Wrong Number

The Buffalo Beast doesn’t make its totally dignified opinions available in print anymore. But we can still get them on record online. For example, the internet daycare center made sort-of news after one of their staffers made a prank call that might have been too mature for junior high brats.

Pretending to be one of the Koch brothers on the phone doesn’t quite seem like an interesting hobby. But someone thinks it’s worthwhile. As a result, we know that Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s biggest shortcoming is being courteous enough to accept a call from someone sympathetic to his cause and take a person at his word.

The unwitting Borat-style victim patiently nodded along while smiling. It’s Walker’s fault for trusting that someone was who he said he was, even if it’s someone he doesn’t know.

The bombshell from the conversation is that Walker says the same things in private that he does in public. All we needed to glean that information was a prank from a member of the Koch-obsessed left. They coincidentally overlap with Palin Derangement Syndrome sufferers and frothing W. haters. I bet they know lots of “Teabagger” jokes!

Attention should be focused on the dialer, not the recipient. The fraudulent call was perpetrated by someone responsible for churning out nuanced, reasonable, and compelling pieces such as the one named “(Bleep) the Troops,” only without using “Bleep.” It’s always fascinating to see what sort of class acts the left admires for allegedly speaking truth to power.

The only truth is that the perception of Walker hasn’t changed. Undercover conservatives reveal Planned Parenthood helps pimps get underage abortions. Undercover liberals reveal Walker is polite. We’ve discovered that Wisconsin’s governor has ideals to which he’s adhering.

The prank call was embarrassing, but not for Walker. Other than his slacker staffers who need to screen calls better, the real mortification should be felt by those who go to the trouble of misrepresenting themselves to learn nothing.

But they’ll feel nothing. The poor man’s Crank Yankers moment was a non-story, unless proper phone screening tops one’s issues list. That won’t stop easily-impressed knee-jerk Republican loathers from thinking that the call really stuck it to The Man.

Unfortunately for them, The Man in question refused to be goaded into saying anything exciting after oh so maliciously accepting a call from someone he believed to be a supporter.

He notably didn’t say anything obnoxiously insulting. Certainly, there was nothing that would belong in the pages of an online tabloid that was previously most famous for despising both the war and the warriors.

Lowering Taxes, Learning Manners

Those who want to rip off the wealthy also talk during movies. Churlish attitudes apply universally, which explains why those who feel entitled to grab what belongs to others are so impolitely boisterous about it. Why wait one’s turn to speak when one is convinced one knows what’s right?

Such professional interrupters must speak up if someone points out that, oh, New York would look like a statewide Detroit if we extend high tax percentages on the richest among us. Governor Andrew Cuomo seems to grasp this notion, which endlessly irritates the sort of class acts who interrupt anytime they disagree with a point being made.

Take New York City Councilman and racist commie Charles Barron. He just couldn’t wait his turn or use his indoor voice to tell the governor that he sees things differently:

Barron unwittingly reminded everyone that refusing to behave correlates with being patently wrong. By contrast, those with manners inevitably choose an issue’s right side. Please notice this, thank you.

Nice folks are stuck confronting discourtesy from a conventional radical. For those lucky enough to be unfamiliar with Barron’s repellent body of work, he’s essentially a poor man’s Al Sharpton who blessedly never made himself known past New York’s boroughs.

Of course, Sharpton’s no poor man himself, as he has gotten rich by proclaiming that America is a fundamentally unjust place where people like him can’t catch a break. Unsurprisingly, he’s whining at an excessively high decibel level about Cuomo’s present wise austerity, too.

As for Baron von Barron, we shouldn’t expect much from a former Black Panther, especially one who brags about such an ignoble past. It’s one thing to subscribe to criminally ludicrous beliefs while relatively young. But Barron never got wiser.

What’s especially appalling is that alleged black leaders’ approach to the culture of dependency is to demand more of it. Economic and cultural bankruptcy are both byproducts of expecting the government to coddle its citizens. But maybe another indefinite handout will help. Right, gents?

Thankfully, the race manipulators are losing what once would have been certain allies. Mario’s kid has seemingly been mugged by reality, as he shrewdly recognizes that maintaining high confiscation rates on the wealthy would reduce the number of wealthy people around from whom to confiscate.

Lowering those percentages would be even better for liberty and the economy, but baby steps still count as progress. Of course, the pecuniary climate might not have sunk to Buffalo Bills-style depths if the gubernatorial incumbent hadn’t pushed to loosen mortgage lending standards as Housing and Urban Development Secretary.

His unlimited free housing for everyone approach has turned out unwell, and his minor-league penance won’t reverse the nation’s sorrowful financial course. Still, it might keep his home state from going Greek before California or Illinois do.

But income hustlers don’t appreciate the effort. Even worse, they’re just ungracious. This isn’t some self-righteous college punk wearing a Che shirt and the wretched stink of patchouli heckling a conservative during a speech delivered at some random Ivy League institution: Barron is, at least by age, a grown man who actually has constituents.

It’s not unmannerly to point out what a horse’s ass he is. There’s no wonder why this state is such a mess. Thank fellow residents who keep voting for rude revolutionaries to represent them.

Barron’s foes are too classy to interrupt his speeches with obnoxious shouting. It’s true no matter how much he deserves it.

Fit, Fun, Classless

Chris Lee and Eric Massa could get an apartment together. I smell a sitcom! We may as well get some canned laughs out of the area’s latest politician-generated shame, as Western New York must cope with being known as the home of immoderately randy congressmen. It takes three examples to make a trend, and we’re two too close.

Lee misplaced his career along with his shirt. That said, Lee has quite a core! Um, moving on, it’s sad that a representative couldn’t even figure out how to cheat properly.

Aside from the fact that fooling around being a spouse’s back is so obviously, utterly, repulsively wrong, Lee was stupid enough to put his face in a Craigslist ad photo. Even unelected regular scumbags know to crop photos at the neck.

In his defense, he can use his incompetence as evidence that he’s a novice at disregarding his vows.  That’s unless he has actually been this repulsive, dumb, and sloppy for awhile. Either way, he can now head back to his favorite site and look for his career in Missed Connections.

On the other hand, voters shouldn’t place ads looking for him. We should bid good riddance to bad husbands. There’s no use for a politician who holds the right political positions while looking for to get himself into illicit personal ones.

He has shown that he’s not trustworthy.  Lee can’t justify his worthwhile votes without simultaneously behaving faithfully. He can figure out where he went wrong by spending time with Mark Sanford so they can compare notes and strategies.

Now, what should he do? The first thing is nothing. Lee should disappear for awhile, both for his own good and on account of how nobody wants to deal with him right now.

Ideally, he should pull a John Profumo, with the bright side being that cleaning bathrooms can’t be much worse than being a congressman. What’s important is that he gets modest and acts contritely, if for no other reason than he shouldn’t be heard from him for awhile. He shouldn’t make another public appearance until he can display a genuinely sheepish expression.

By comparison, the attempted cheater doesn’t want to turn into someone even scuzzier, namely a publicity whore. A certain New York ex-governor comes to mind, although sinking to Spitzeresque levels is impossible for most humans. That said, if CNN wants to retool its moribund 8 p.m. hour, Christopher Spitzer could become the most appealingly unctuous program since Jersey Shore.

But give Lee credit for acting in the best possible way after acting like the worst husband. Lee at least had the decency to resign when his scandalous behavior came to light. His acceptance of responsibility is far better than dragging the area through a local Clinton-style ordeal where he kept his job at the expense of losing what’s left of his dignity.

Of course, it would have been infinitely better not to have done something appalling in the shadows where he had to fear being caught in the first place. But it’s better to have standards and fall short than to shamelessly wallow in filth.

Lee is gross, but he at least realizes it. Now, we’d be in much better shape if only some Democrats would resign for carelessly exposing our checkbooks.

In the meantime, Lee has plenty of time to think about whether looking for tail online was worth it. He may conclude that giving up Congress for the pursuit of the most lecherous of matrimonial-belittling indulgences might not be as appealing of a trade-off as it first sounds. Even accepting one of Massa’s invitations to tickle fight won’t help Lee clear his head, although it will make for a wacky episode.

Honor Conviction

The most troubling thing about Bridges TV isn’t that Goldie Gardner hosts a cooking show on it. The legendarily irritating WNED telethon shill is sharing her culinary abilities on a Muslim channel for some reason, but that’s not their most egregious affront to broadcasting.

More importantly, they’re not living up to their mission of providing, according to their site,

…a broad range of lifestyle oriented programming that aims to foster a greater understanding between the West and MESA (Middle Eastern/South Asian) religions, its cultures, and diverse populations.

It’s not bad enough that I think they just made up the term “MESA.” Worse, there has been no special programming devoted to the conviction of prominent Muslim Muzzammil Hassan. It’s the equivalent of Oprah not appearing on OWN.

To recap, the honor killer’s strategy of blaming a “religion of patriarchy” failed to impress jurors, who convicted him of second-degree murder in less time than it takes for your baked potato to finish in the oven. They took an hour to return a verdict, although there’s no report of what kind of sandwiches they ate for 58 minutes after the two it took to vote “Guilty.”

Juries have gotten a bad rap ever since one-time Buffalo icon and present prison bitch O.J. Simpson was found not guilty by a dozen potted plants who thought racism killed his ex-wife and her friend. But a local collection of upstanding fellow citizens showed that justice is the more likely courtroom outcome.

And yet there is no round-the-clock coverage on Bridges. Yes, Hassan coincidentally founded the network. But personal relationships shouldn’t affect objective news judgments, especially considering the relevance of the religion in question to both his actions and astoundingly pitiful defense.

In fact, the direct connection means they should confront the issue directly and frequently. Bridges should presently be offering balanced coverage: 12 hours per day about what’s happening in Egypt and 12 about the recent court proceedings near their headquarters.

So, why is there no attention being paid to the landmark conviction from programs such as Bridges Evening News, Democracy Now!, and Viewpoints with John Zogby? As for the BEN, it supposedly

…is dedicated to bringing you a balanced coverage on local and international news you care about. Join Tooba Khilji and David Prinzbach for a closer look at the news you can trust.

But they apparently can’t be trusted to devote extensive time to reporting about a the aftermath of a Religion of Peace member’s trial. We presumably also shouldn’t expect documentaries on the subject similar to the one they air objectively titled Broken Promises that asks:

When American agents in Sweden deport 2 Egyptian men, the question of how far is too far when fighting terrorism is raised.

I bet their answer is “too far,” although I admittedly didn’t see the program. Still, I’m wagering that not even episodes of Soccer Academy will deal with the conviction’s fallout.

It’s such a shame. They should be airing a barrage of shows that ask why a man who founded a 21st-century enterprise is living in a three-digit year.

After all, treating one’s wife like a 43rd-class citizen before cutting through her neck seems to be an act committed more frequently by members of this particular faith than, say, Orthodox Jews. Why not add programming about why it happens and what can be done to stop it? They should confront the issue head on instead of dodging it.

But they apparently won’t examine such issues on Hassan’s baby about why this case fails to be an exception. That’s okay, as we’ve ascertained the connection even without locating the network buried in the channel lineup next to whichever one just hired Keith Olbermann.

We don’t need Bridges to have learned something about what provoked Hassan. Actions speak louder than programming.

Pointless Sabre Rattling

Someone actually wants to buy a Western New York business, and The Buffalo News won’t stand for it. Terry Pegula has a lot of nerve for purchasing the Buffalo Sabres. As a result, those who write the words on the pages that wrap the coupon circulars did what they could to make him feel unwelcome in the City of Good Neighbors:

In the course of making his fortune, the Florida billionaire negotiating to buy the Buffalo Sabres contributed heavily to politicians in a position to advance his business interests and established a less-than-stellar track record in the environmentally dicey business of drilling for natural gas, The Buffalo News has found.

A News review of compliance records found East Resources, the company Terrence M. Pegula sold last summer for $4.7 billion, had a middling record of complying with environmental regulations in Pennsylvania, his base of operations. The company last year paid the largest regulatory fine in its history and was involved in a spill of toxic wastewater that resulted in the first quarantine of cattle in the history of natural gas drilling in the state.

A fine? See you in Hell, East Resources. Also, are the cattle okay? I’m worried about steak. Not only did he deal with regulations while make money running a business: he also gave some of it to those who seek to represent us:

Pegula has made more than $630,000 in campaign contributions to Republican politicians and committees who support what one observer termed his “very, very conservative” positions on global warming and taxes and regulations related to the natural gas industry.

The News thinks it’s news that everyone has the right to donate to candidates. People often do so in an attempt to curry favor, as Goldman Sachs bigwigs did with Barack Obama.  Another good example would be the owner of a certain local newspaper giving money to politicians as a hobby.

The key is to see if such gifts lead to favors from politicians. We can then hold them accountable by either voting out the recipients or not patronizing businesses belonging to the contributors.

Sadly, it’s trickier to punish lousy journalists. The article relies egregiously heavily on quotes from members of liberal advocacy group Common Cause. There is also ample space devoted to a, surprise, partisan environmental group called PennFuture. The article demonstrates the results of networking done among #p2 Twitter hashtag users.

By contrast, an article of over 2,200 words devotes three measly paragraphs to quotes from a single Pegula defender. Earle Robbins, “who acts as a liaison between energy companies and landowners as they negotiate drilling leases,” should feel honored to be selected as the closest thing to a token conservative.

The reporter seemingly missed that day of journalism school where students learn about the necessity of balance, as he included no quotes from people who appreciate having power or jobs thanks to Pegula. Once again, the rag’s staffers decided to be confrontational rather than merely critical.

And it was surely coincidental that the paper’s target was a Republican fossil fuel man. The worst thing about such discreditable journalism is that they don’t even get Robert Edgar-signed checks in exchange for their advocacy.

The process of acquiring natural gas is as difficult as it is necessary. The alternative is to sit in dark caves while being smug about one’s carbon footprint until hypothermia kicks in.

Some people want the benefits of civilization without any tradeoffs. There is risk involved as long as there are heated buildings.

Fining companies for honest errors made during their pursuit of an indispensable energy source is far superior to buying energy from international thugs or hoping solar energy can power all our light bulbs. Without domestic production, we’re at the mercy of the whims of despots and/or clouds.

Pegula’s ownership will do more for Buffalo than every Rod Watson and Jeff Simon column ever published. Maybe that’s the problem. The city’s hockey franchise is infinitely more beloved than its newspaper, which irritates workers at the latter to no end.

That’s why the hacks focused upon the occasional errors of a new Buffalo figure’s former company rather than its overwhelmingly numerous benefits. They also forgot to focus upon his unbelievable philanthropic work. On top of that, they didn’t question whether the regulatory burden his company faced was excessive. The paper speaks truth to power unless it involves challenging government regulations on business.

How hospitable! Pegula should know that very few members of the community his franchise calls home are as truculently unfriendly as its print journalists. The Buffalo News is nothing like Buffalo.

Cutting the Court

Glimpsing inside Charles Schumer’s mind is a disturbing prospect. But, as with an open wound, one is sometimes intrigued to see how gruesome the interior is. Gross things can be informative.

Take his recent CNN appearance, where he offered a moment of inadvertently revealing loquaciousness. Chuck Nasty’s verbal gaffe said more about how he thinks than the garrulous senator would like to reveal:

So I would urge my Republican colleagues no matter how strongly they feel. You know, we have three branches of government: we have a House, we have a Senate, we have a president, and all three of us are gonna have to come together…

Something’s missing.  Not to contradict someone who works for the government, but he may have double-counted something, too.  In New York’s senior senator’s defense, that’s still too many branches for Thomas Friedman’s liking. But until we outsource running our nation to China, we’re stuck with checks and balances.

He may be interested to learn that one-third of them are represented by those nine legal geezers who can rule that the other two actual federal subdivisions are ignoring the Constitution they’re sworn to defend as well as protect or support.

Of course, Schumer just said it wrong. It’s understandable when someone misspeaks on live, unscripted television, even when the verbal error is made by a camera whore who should know what he’s saying.

On the other hand, the howls and head-shaking from liberals would never cease if George W. Bush or Sarah Palin had flubbed in such a Schumeresque manner. Palin would additionally be accused of cleverly disguising words to trigger attacks by lunatics who never pay attention to her.

But Schumer’s history of promoting meddlesome policies makes his honest error interesting. After all, he is known above all for working to seize upon sensationalist news stories and ban anything that could be marginally dangerous, such as products that, say, dopes ingest to get high. In his defense, he clearly doesn’t have anything better to do than hassle budget-minded faux crackheads.

His excessive time and wandering mind also combine to explain why he strove to encourage the obnoxiously annoying Four Loko ban without so much as scheduling a vote. Reducing our options by passing laws is such a hassle. Why else would we have an FDA?

On a related note, it would be easier to dismiss Schumer’s inaccurate statement as an innocuous accident if he wasn’t a supporter of clamping down upon that annoying filibuster. He doesn’t want irksome roadblocks like rules or procedures interfering with his progressive vision.

Schumer’s Supreme Court-excising lapse isn’t the type of government reduction Tea Partiers have in mind. Of course, he would be happy deep down with a single branch of government consisting of one senator elected only by New York State residents. That way, he could be in charge and not even have to bother with making his case on television, although that wouldn’t stop him from appearing at press conferences.

It goes without saying that Schumer merely committed a verbal slip-up, and we can credit him with just possibly actually knowing that the national judiciary exists. But he’s still rueful that it does. He’ll change his opinion if Antonin Scalia retires this year.