Find the Ex-House Degenerate Work!

Tickling kingpin Eric Massa is jobless, although he’s still affecting Democratic politics. How should we remember the Southern Tier’s former federal conduit as he prematurely transitions back to private life?  The answer is “As a left-wing fanatic who also turned out to be a lowlife perv,” naturally.  But we should also recall his accomplishments.

For one, he did bring plenty of attention to the area as he exited the office, although it may not quite have been the kind the Chamber of Commerce prefers.  Also, he at least didn’t spend his abbreviated term engaging in the deplorably shady legerdemain being attempted by his used-dentures-opposing former House colleague from a nearby district.

But we’ll end up remembering the bad things he did for some reason.  While it’s marvelous that he’s no longer representing Western New Yorkers in Washington, the downside is that he might return home.  If you see him and he offers a hug, politely refuse.

As for his personal goals, what will he do now for work?  Maybe I could help in the spirit of bipartisanship and compassion.  Specifically, I’ve scanned the want ads to help the former public servant find a post-congressional created and/or saved job suited to his interests and skills.  And I found one if he’s willing to make his way a little bit away from his congressional jurisdiction to Buffalo.  He might do so anyway on account of the city’s nightlife and such.

It’s naturally from Craigslist, everyone’s favorite site for finding employment listings and/or opportunities to acquire social diseases.  From his perspective, it’d be perfect, as long as he’s fine with acquiring the title “Men’s Locker Room Attendant.”

If you think slinging towels at a health club might be a step down for someone who just left the House of Representatives, you don’t follow politics in general or Massa’s career arc in particular.  And, while eight dollars per hour might not be enough to rent another townhouse, the fringe benefits for someone of his proclivities would be tremendous.  That said, they’d also be tremendously deviant, revolting, and illegal.

Come to think of it, he’d thankfully never get hired.  Of course, he wouldn’t pass a background check, especially if the potential employer has read a newspaper, watched cable news, or accessed the internet in the past few days.  The company in question will instead undoubtedly find a responsible, hard-working, non-sleazy applicant to fill the position as opposed to an utter creep.

But that won’t deter Massa from hanging out on Craigslist, as he’ll find numerous uses for the communal site.  For one, watch out for his posts in Missed Connections, especially if you’re male and notice a creepy, middle-aged man scoping you out in public.  And skip his smug, obnoxious, boring Rants and Raves based on his past video tirades. Maybe he’ll use the venue to change his story yet once more.

And, for heaven’s sake, don’t answer any housing ad he posts.   Avoid any temptation of signing up to be his roomie: it’s not worth the cost regardless of how relatively cheap rent is.  In the meantime, Western New York males have a legitimate excuse for not working out, namely that they’re concerned Massa might join the same gym.  That’s true even if he doesn’t apply for the aforementioned vocation opportunity.

No matter his respective work, housing, and physical training situations, Massa’s icky transgressions serve as the latest example of how we’re living through transitionally momentous times.  By acting in an unbelievably repulsive manner, the disgraced less-than-one-term representative inadvertently helped to frame history.  Licentious sleazes from both parties have provided an endless string of benchmarks for our lives.

We’ve seen the shameful politician sexcapade euphemism du jour shift from “Pizza in the Oval Office” to “Wide stance” to “Instant messaging the page” to “Hiking the Appalachian trail” to today’s “Tickle fight.”  Oh, the times, they are a-changin’.

Hope for Non-NY 23 Conservatives

Imagine if the National Republican Congressional Committee had supported Doug Hoffman from the start.  Instead of throwing money at a left-winger who remained on the ballot after she quit and repaid the organization by endorsing her erstwhile Democratic foe, Hoffman would be running for re-election in 2010 instead of aiming to win a rematch.

Instead, the NRCC wasn’t lucky enough to blunder into victory.  Their failure to inadvertently execute a New Coke/Coke Classic-type success should guide every decision they make through the same Tuesday of next year.  That includes their tactics across the nation in general and within Hoffman’s state in particular.  New York’s conservatives are entitled to feel that his respectable showing should inspire similar candidates who can carpool with him to Washington.  Can both Hoffman and Hoffman-types across upstate win House seats in 2010?

If nothing else, unabashed conservatives might do better than the liberal-leaning moderates indigenous to this region.  This is an opportune moment for the Republican Party to field limited-government candidates.  Based on the national mood, it might pay off in the ballot booths, or at least between the cardboard dividers.

That’s especially if unemployment continues to hover around 10 percent, the war in Afghanistan remains muddled, and two branches of the government join to see if they can spend 100 jillion dollars combined on nationalized health and carbon usage fines.  Voters are looking for genuine conservatives as a welcome alternative to Scozzafava-style stimulus supporters.

There’s no reason to keep inflicting Rockefeller Republicans upon the nation.  Party leaders may as well try to capitalize on the nation’s rising small-government sympathies.  It’s not like the state GOP should worry they might lose even more House elections.

There are formidable obstacles aside from standard concerns regarding whether true-right candidates are viable in the particular districts of a navy state like New York blah blah blah.  For one, there’s the reality that certain Congressional districts are shaped like crescents, not circles.

While the right to a district that’s wider than a two-lane road does not appear in the Constitution, representatives such as Louise Slaughter should nonetheless have to face a more naturally-shaped territory.  Standing opposed to alignments that keep incumbents safe is not a matter of supporting one party or the other: it’s about encouraging circumstances that allow citizens to enjoy a clear choice between the two.  That desirable situation is one not always seen locally for various reasons.

Additionally, Western New Yorkers who seek conservative options could use a slightly less disingenuous local paper.  Specifically, it would be nice to not endure condescending lectures from Buffalo News editor Margaret Sullivan, who has been the paper’s funniest writer ever since Dave Barry stopped contributing his syndicated column.  Her latest gem claims that editorial positions are staffed by reactionaries who will camp out to get the earliest available copies of Sarah Palin’s book from Walmart:

In the 10 active County Legislature races, we are endorsing eight Republicans and two Democrats.

 

In the Amherst supervisor’s race, we are endorsing a Republican, Barry Weinstein.

It’s not a Republican quota: please refer to it as conservative affirmative action.  And they’re not even done acting like tea partiers:

And in the two countywide races, we are endorsing one Republican and one Democrat: respectively, Philip Kadet for comptroller and John Glascott for sheriff.

 

So, of the 13 endorsements we’ll make this year, 10 go to Republicans.

Yep, endorsing a Republican for Erie County Comptroller balances out their last pick for President of the United States of America.  And random probability explains how they also happened to back Democrats in each of the four local House of Representative races in 2008.

The paper’s staff apparently forgot to pretend that they were balanced last year.  But things are different now, sort of.  By standing behind 77 percent of Republicans in local elections during an off year, Sullivan is claiming 10 pennies are worth more than five dimes.  That helps explain why their coverage of economic issues is so rotten.

If the News really wanted to come across as impartial, they could stop injecting left-wing junk into news stories.  They could even hire a second Republican.

Even without media assistance, the party ought to finally have the sense and conviction to represent conservative ideals.  Who knows?  Republicans might come across a principled opponent for Slaughter who doesn’t get, well, a synonym for “slaughtered.”

It would also be nice if Brian Higgins had to face an outright limited government advocate, if only for the prospect of forcing the present representative to get a private sector job.  There’s a first time for everything.  Either way, Hoffman shouldn’t have to go it alone next year.

NY-29: Eric Massa’s Not-So-Green Journey To D.C.

WNY’s newest Democrat congressman, Eric Massa, tried to make a statement about going green in his trip to Washington D.C. The only problem was he ended up using a lot more energy than necessary to make his statement.

A hydrogen fuel cell car driven by U.S. Rep. Eric Massa to Washington, D.C. on Monday didn’t actually get him all the way there.

Massa had to be in the nation’s capital Tuesday for his swearing in as the 29th Congressional District’s new representative. He drove the General Motors Equinox prototype car to draw attention to the technology, some of which is being developed in the district.

The problem is the car can go about 150 to 200 miles without a refill, and the trip from Corning to Washington, D.C. is 282 miles. And there are no hydrogen refilling stations along the way.

As a result, Massa had to switch to another GM hydrogen fuel cell vehicle that was standing by in Harrisburg.

After the trip, both cars were towed back to their original locations by two Chevrolet Tahoe hybrid SUVs.

The need to make the switch was also part of the effort to promote the more environmentally friendly hydrogen fuel cell cars, said Massa spokesman Jared Smith.

FamousDC also noticed. As did Reason.com.