State officials and retailers have agreed to phase-in a new state law that allows for collecting 5-cent deposits on bottles of water.

A federal judge ruled Friday the law would take effect Saturday. The sides agreed to let stores comply by Nov. 8.

Businesses, which futilely try to make money here, fought off the regulation for a time. But they’ve officially lost, meaning you’ll have to set aside beverage money that will go into hock:

The 5-cent deposits on bottles of water were scheduled to start June 1 as an expansion of the 27-year-old law that requires deposits on bottles and cans of soda and beer. But lawsuits from bottlers and stores had stopped it temporarily.

Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, the state eventually got its way, which means just one more little hassle for New Yorkers. It’s another couple of tied-up bucks per month, but you can swing that, right? Um, on top of everything else you pay?

What’s worst is that the new deposit impacts lower wage-earners the hardest. Everyone faces a flat returnable payment regardless of income or purchase. Similarly, the beer deposit is the same for both brewing masterworks that cost as much as a box of wine per individual serving and the worst swill imaginable.

Temporarily charging the same amount for every item is so. . . regressive. It’s easy to say the state has it out for poor people, but they really just want to soak everyone. Still, expect an escalating deposit soon where Evian drinkers have to pay more than store brand aficionados. As for wobbly pop, we can also anticipate that any offering classified as a bitter, porter, bock, or such instead of just being called “beer” will soon require the drinker to leave a buck behind per bottle. That’s only fair.

It’s too bad the state doesn’t trust us to pursue an alternate course, namely where we just put damn bottles of all sort in the recycling bin. Environmentalists like to pretend the Earth will become uninhabitable if a high percentage of receptacles reach landfills. Such untold devastation probably won’t happen soon. Still, we can ensure sustainability by leaving containers in the bin that municipally-employed men take from your curb every week. Or at least we can for a few more days, when that option will cost us.

But the effects of the new nickel hostage-holding effort go beyond the aggravation of storing empty receptacles and lugging them back to the store. It turns out New York truly does want you to just throw them out, or at least not return them. That way, they can make yet more money off you:

Governor Paterson issued a statement on Friday saying that 80 percent of unclaimed deposits would go to the state as much-needed revenue.

They get four cents of every unclaimed return, as they just need more of your money. For the millionth time, the state has disregarded that “much-needed revenue” comes out of workers’ products. We need some revenue, too, if only to buy food and shelter with what we’ve earned. But the state just can’t stop consuming, as signified by their new drinking problem.

So, please don’t be too diligent about respecting Mother Earth. After all, the state faces a 10 billion dollar budget deficit over the next two years, but they’re just 200 billion non-returned empty water bottles from covering that.

Mild conspiracy theorists have long claimed that the state wants you to speed so they can profit by ticketing offenders. But the inherently suspicious now have a better, provable case against the state when it comes to hydrating.

And it’s a real pain for us eco-warriors. Not to be smug, but I’m part of the green solution: I exhale carbon dioxide constantly, much to the appreciation of hungry plants and trees. With my proven, steady environmental contribution in mind, I’m entitled to be irked that there will soon be more hobos going through recycling bins thanks to this quasi-fine.

Nonetheless, the state would like you to shoo away recycling pickers so the bottles in question never get returned: it means the government can keep your four pennies. Additionally, please don’t knock yourself out about bringing them back to the proper centers yourself. In the meantime, New York has pushed its citizens to the point where it may be time to break down, buy a glass, and drink tap water. Is that even potable?